Monday, November 9, 2009

Optimism has been thrown out the window!

Why is it in life whenever you take two steps forward, you must then take one step back? It feels like the end result is nearly impossible to reach? Why after you gain a little, must you then loose a little? WHY? I feel like I am taking crazy pills these days. I spend at least one small portion of everyday crying and asking myself how much longer I can handle it. I feel like I am loosing more of myself and my sanity everyday. And everyday I wonder why I did this to myself. Why was I given a challenge I feel I cannot handle? I spend 90% of my day wondering if I am a good mother, a good wife, a good person. I feel like during that 90% of the time I am also giving myself pep-talks to make myself feel better. I have come to realize that I am a very pesimistic person and that all optimism has left the building. Life sucks! The glass is half empty! The world is coming to an end, but not soon enough! I am fat and probably always will be! And Lucy is the hardest baby in the world and probably will never grow out of it!

4 comments:

DeLong Family Members: said...

Come and see me...I'll let Lucy sleep in my closet for a couple of nights and Booboo and Quinny can have the run of the house. Afterall, I've long since forgotten how rotten one can feel after several horrible nights in a row. Got to love the blessing of postpartum amnesia. Hang in there Nee.

Jeanne and Nelson said...

I thought you looked beautiful friday night, but nobody see things as they really are through eyes that haven't slept in a while. Hang in, we love you.

marian said...

kisses for all - sleep WILL (must) return sometime.

emily, etc, etc said...

Well....actually I have nothing productive to add. I was going to try and be funny, but at this point I don't think it would help. Just know that I love you...maybe that will help (although I doubt it, I have been depressed before and love from a sister isn't always what a person needs).